I am spending my child support on dildos
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize