that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
