you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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