i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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