At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
