My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize