I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
