I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
my shit smells like andre
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
