Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
