Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
