Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
