In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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