Sponge bath it is.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
