If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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