I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
