So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
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Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
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this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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