Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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