I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
