i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
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The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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