Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
