Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
