I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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