ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
