and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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