Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
