I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Randomize
