I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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