Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I accidentally had phone sex last night
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
