ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
