Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
