I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Randomize
