i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I show you my penis last night?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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