i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
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I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
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WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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