Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
