Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
