I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
