so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
