You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
