dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
