Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Randomize
