Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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