goodnight i made you a song goodbye
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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