So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
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They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
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Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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