DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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