all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Slut skills are useful in every country.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize