Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
