I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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