i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
