you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
