I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Randomize
