he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
