You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Randomize
