Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I'm sobbing to NWA
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
