my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
