Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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