PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
