kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
