my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
