Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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