Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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