it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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