so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
