Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
