He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
