So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
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well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
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Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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